by Kristen Daukus || Four Hens

We’re 5 years into this teenage thing with another 6 years ahead of us and there are some days that I am as clueless as I five things I want my teen to knowwas when they were babies and toddlers. At least when they were little and cried you could pretty much narrow down what their problems were. Now when one of them cries, it could start out for one reason and end up being something completely different by the time the last teardrop falls. I’ve found myself shaking my head and saying “what the hell just happened THERE?!” more often than not.. especially with 3 in the house now.

Most days I feel like I’m one of those “wah-wah” adults from Charlie Brown.. I talk, offer my sage wisdom (and you know I have a ton of it) and life experiences and they tune me out. Just like I tuned my parents out. But if they were listening to me? These are the 5 things they’d hear me saying most often.

1) The teen years pretty much suck. There are no 2 ways about this one. Anyone who tells you they don’t is lying to you and you should stop talking to them. While there are some great points to it, largely the 5 years between 13 and 18 are chock-full of more twists and turns than a roller coaster at Great Adventure. So when you’re having a great day, relish it because most likely, tomorrow (or the next 5 minutes) will be different.

2) The people you’re in school with will disappear when your graduate. I don’t care if you’ve been BFFs since Kindergarten, unless your entire gang never moves out-of-town once you graduate high-school, you’ll hardly ever see them again. I know it seems insane to think that, but it’s so true. So try and remember that when you’re stressing over who screwed who over and who dissed you for someone else.

3) You’re going to get busted. Oh this one is so hard because you think you’re so smart and sneaky and while you probably will get away with it a couple of times – maybe even more times than not – at some point you’re going to get cold-hard busted. Why? Because teenagers don’t pay attention to details. Especially when you add social media sites into the mix. I’ve busted my 18-year-old several times because one of the friends I knew she was supposed to be with posted an Instagram shot or sent a tweet out that just happened to land in my lap that indicated an entirely different story.

4) You’ll regret not working harder in class. High school is what we adults call a necessary evil. No one needs chemistry or Algebra 3 in their everyday life (okay.. SOME people do… ) but you have to do it in order to get the credits you need to get in a good college. While it may seem like a great idea to wait til the day before Christmas break is over to start studying for exams, trust us.. it’s not. Take 30 minutes each day and read a little more than you should – it will pay off when you’re going to WFU instead of a community college.

5) Stop worrying about who you make happy. There are 2 people whose happiness you need to worry about. Yours and your moms. And the funny thing is that if you’re happy, chances are your mom is happy. I watch all three of my teens bust their tails to make her friends happy and you know what? They get screwed over almost every time. I’m not saying they’re guiltless in some of the things, but I know they say “I’m sorry” a lot more than they have to in order to make peace with their friends. It’s happening a lot less frequently, so we’re getting somewhere in our lessons. The next time you feel like selling out to make a friend happy, remember #2 above.
All this being said, high-school will be on of the most significant chunks of your life that you remember forever and time will end up weeding out most of the crappy parts. (Until you have kids of your own and are forced to remember the intensely bad moments.) You’ll love seeing your classmates when you come home from college and at your reunions. You’ll always have a sense of pride when you hear that your alma mater won a game and when one of your former teachers passes away, it’ll sweep you back to her class and the lessons she taught.

Hang in there dear, sweet 16-year-olds… while it may seem as though you’re living thru hell, in a blink it will be over. And you’ll wish it were back.

Sort of.

Stuart Egan || Caffeinated Rage

Dear Rep. Foxx,

I read with great interest and increasing dread the report in the newspaper concerning workplace genetic testing.

The report entitled “Employees who decline genetic testing could face penalties under proposed bill” gives a brief outline of a bill that you have introduced as HR1313 that would “undermine basic privacy provisions of the Americans with Disabilities Act and the 2008 Genetic Information Nondiscrimination Act, or GINA.”

It goes on to further state,

“Congress passed GINA to prohibit discrimination by health insurers and employers based on the information that people carry in their genes. There is an exception that allows for employees to provide that information as part of voluntary wellness programs. But the law states that employee participation must be entirely voluntary, with no incentives to provide it, or penalties for not providing it.”

And now in a dystopian encore to the recently introduced “Trumpcare” bill that Paul Ryan has even defended as a means of taxing the poor more and giving the rich expanded tax cuts, you seem to be further proving that you are out of touch with the very constituency you represent.

You have said many controversial statements in the past and voted against the waves of common sense and decency. For instance:

You voted against relief for Hurricane Katrina in Sept. of 2005.

You defended Roger Clemens’s against steroid use by showing viewers on The Daily Show posters of the former Cy Young Award winner in an attempt to educate others on physique.

You co-sponsored a bill to make Jesus part of Christmas in 2008.

You have been quoted as saying, “Democrats have a tar baby on their hands,” that Matthew Shepherd’s death was a “hoax,” and that, “we have more to fear from the potential of the Affordable Care Act passing than we do from any terrorist right now in any country.”

Those are just a few examples. But this recent episode, I believe, might be the most egregious. Why? Because for someone who espouses such a strong public persona of faith in God and Jesus Christ, you are literally allowing for-profit companies to discriminate against people based on their genetics.

Simply put, you are proposing that people be discriminated against because of the way GOD MADE THEM!

Genetic testing can be a very scary experience. My wife and I experienced it when as older parents-to-be we received a prenatal diagnosis that our son had Down Syndrome. Extra chromosome aside, we have been blessed to raise our son just as God made him, but he does have a condition that can manifest itself in a variety of health-related obstacles.

You said in your comments concerning H.R. 3504, the Born-Alive Abortion Survivors Protection Act, “These tiny, vulnerable lives deserve the protection afforded all other persons under the law, and this bill ensures that their lives are protected.” Did that mean you would as a law maker and a Christian would help ensure that their lives would be protected even after they reached adulthood and became part of the tax-paying workforce who votes as well?

Your introduction of HR1313 seems to contradict that very notion.

Not only am I a parent of a child with special genetics, a voter in your district, but I am also a public school teacher. In fact, I teach high school English and I do actively read, not just for pleasure, but to keep learning how others view the world. A recent perusal of Amazon.com yielded a possible “next-read.”

The description reads as follows:

“A very inspired and original compilation for this election year, ”God Is in the House” is a collection of essays by members of Congress who reflect on their deep faith and how it guides them as legislators. The book was compiled by Representative Virginia Foxx who personally asked congressional colleagues who are devout in their faith to contribute, coworkers who are in Bible study with her, and colleagues she knows on a personal level.”

It’s the “how it (deep faith) guides them as legislators” part of the description that confuses me because HR1313 does not seem to be honoring your faith in God, but rather honors your faith in profits.

And is it not ironic that the foreword is written by Paul Ryan, the architect of the current version of “Trumpcare” that actually takes more from the poor and gives it to the rich? Now that’s “God in the House!”

Yes, I understand that this does not mean that HR1313 would allow any employer to force all their workers to submit to genetic testing. But what it does mean is that employers can control how wellness benefits can be applied to employees based on whether they do or do not voluntarily give into genetic testing. What is to keep a particular employer from defining what can and cannot be covered under a “wellness” program.

In fact, an employer under your bill would be able to keep employees from being able to get premium rebates if they chose not to submit genetic testing. That’s allowing companies to control rates for insurance and what coverage they can extend – pure and simple.

What if one of your own children or grandchildren was subjected to such a test and was denied critical coverage or had to pay a steep penalty or higher premiums that could financially hinder family finances because of some unforeseen genetic “malady” or predisposition beyond his/her control? Would you tell that loved one that a “legal certainty” for someone else’s bottom line was more important than making sure that people could get the best health care they could?

I have an idea what Jesus would say.

However, before you even consider pressing this bill any further in Congress, I suggest that you be willing to subject yourself (along with others who support this bill) to a genetic test.

Maybe, we would then discover the very gene that predisposes one to obey the influence of large insurance company lobbyists rather than the very people that person is supposed to serve.

Stu Egan

Featured image from https://blog.wataugawatch.net/2012/08/virginia-foxx-hearts-paul-ryan.html

by Miles Bumgardner

One of the fringe benefits of being on the Autism Spectrum is that there are others just like you. And some of them become close personal friends. Bill, one of my closest, recently asked me about Autism with work, school and other socializing aspects of the real world and how others can learn about/from us. It’s an interesting combination: Aspergers in the work place. Is it a recipe for disaster? Is it even worth advocating? Are there employers out there willing to listen and learn? I believe it is and there are!

Even with the advancement of today’s medical and psychological studies, Aspergers Syndrome is still as abstract today as it was 80 years ago. There are still many misconceptions about its diagnosis and the individuals living with it. This makes it difficult for bystanders – friends, family, coworkers and employers – to understand who we are and why we behave in the ways we do. Thus I feel it’s important to share some insights so employers and other figures who interact with an Aspie have a clearer idea of who we are.

Aspies – which is what individuals with AS are collectively called – are sort of the outsiders of society, living on the social fringes. We observe the world around us and try to interact with it. The problem lies in the fact that society and its standards are always changing and change doesn’t sit well with us. It’s part of our nature. This creates a social awkwardness that drives a wedge between the “norm” of the world and us. We want to fit in. We even yearn for it, to be accepted. But for us it’s extremely hard, and sometimes terrifying, to leave our comfort zone and do it. It can take years of practice to even get out of the metaphorical bubble but even then, we are still too timid. We shut down (for lack of a better term) as a means of protection.

Yet we still want to be a part of the world around us. But because off what we observe and how we feel towards ourselves we think, ‘does society want me’? And this begins a life long inner battle.

Sometimes it’s like being separated from someone by a tall thick wall. We talk but the other side can’t understand. Our voices are to muffled and is difficult to understand what either side is saying. Another example is that the world is sitting behind a stained glass window. On that side everything seems clear. We Aspies are on the other side of the glass peering in. Unfortuantley, because of the wild combination of shapes and colors, it is difficult to make out what we see. We are a lot that likes things black and white: simple, easy to know and comprehend. Obviously that’s not the case in the real world. It’s a struggle to deal with and can lead to a sensory overload.

Communication is also an attribute we struggle with. Yes we can talk – we’re not all like Rain Man, though I do like Dustin Hoffman – and have many important and intelligent things to say. I’ve made claims that Aspies can be defined as “brilliance behind an enigma”. But it’s a long and winding road from our thoughts to our mouths. And when we speak, when it comes out wrong, its because of 3 reasons:

1. We are anxious, worrying if what we say might be taken the wrong way as offensive or rude despite its intended innocence
2. Before we start talking we become distracted by our own thoughts and emotions
3. Also due to anxiety we forget how to properly covey proper tone and delivery

When what we say something that is taken the wrong way our world falls apart. We become embarrassed and humiliated by our own “stupidity”, liking nothing better than to find some rock to crawl under for a while. In our minds what we say sounds intelligent, funny or caring but it doesn’t always come across that way.

In terms of socializing, we do it because we have to in order to survive. Not because we want to, though sometimes we do. Most of the time we prefer to be by ourselves in our own little world, surrounded by our passions (like music) and be content with just that. When we do mingle with others we act as naturally as we can. Except sometimes it comes off as weird, quirky and aloof. We find ourselves distanced because of that and seem to gain a reputation as a weirdo. Once again, the outsiders.

Aspies have and incredible desire to please. A compliment, words of encouragement and such goes a long way with us. At work and school we go out of our way to please everybody. It stems to prove to ourselves and others we are more that what we seem to be. We bust our butts to move mountains. When we succeed, we feel higher than an old hippie at Woodstock. When we fail, we question everything about us, often becoming extremely harsh about ourselves. No one likes to succumb to failure and for us it’s very hard to struggle with. You can’t please everyone but that doesn’t stop us from wanting to. The great impossibility.

This cause both mental and emotional unrest for us Aspies. Even though we try to put on 40 pounds of invisible armor to hide behind we can’t always be strong. We find ourselves at the crossroads of self, either wanting to join the flow of society or stay comfortable in our own little zone. But in places like school and work we find those we can trust – I myself have found a select few – to whom we can share our insecurities, our doubts and our questions in an attempt to get motivated to do the tasks before us. It’s something that should be valued, that amount of trust an Aspie gives you. It’s an ever going battle within us, made more the lack of understanding and apathy. But like everything about the human race, there is always room for improvement.